The spark of a sex life is something that is difficult to maintain in any relationship. Things start out fiery and alive, and normality steps in, eventually taking some of that excitement and enjoyment away.
It’s normal for this to happen, and the responsibility lies on both partners to spice things up and keep the attraction alive. While lasting relationships depend upon more than just sex, there is something binding about a truly healthy sex life. It serves as consistent support for the other areas of the relationship.
So, if you’re having a little trouble staying excited in the bedroom, we’ve got some ideas for you to work with. Take a look at our list of sex ideas that you can explore in order to spice things up in the bedroom, hopefully reigniting or reenvisioning that old spark.
Let’s get started:
Talk about What You Like
You can be partners with someone for decades and still shy away from honest conversations about the sex that you both would like to be having. Odds are, any person that you’re with has a few little shady corners of their mind that they haven’t felt fully comfortable discussing.
Even if you don’t choose to dig all of the way into the kinkiest things that the two of you would like to try at some point, you can still take a look at the things that you’re already doing that you could dig deeper into. Maybe one person likes talking during sex, while the other has a feeling that a certain position could become a little more meaningful in certain ways. There might be different power roles that can be emphasized that you’re already working with but not talking about.
Just talking about the things that the two of you already do or have done is a great jumping-off point for where you could go in the future. It’s typically true that any sort of position or sexual activity that’s going on in the bedroom can be analyzed and turned into an even more intense or unique version of that thing.
For example, let’s say that you and your partner only do and feel comfortable participating in the missionary position. Ask each other what it is that you two like about that position and how it can best lead to climax or some kind of satisfaction. This is the time to directly address the little movements, the changes, or the pacing that you like in full detail.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of, you’re already doing the things physically so talking about it shouldn’t be a huge leap.
Look at What You’re Afraid to Try
Once you take a pretty good stock of the things that you know you already enjoy doing, have a discussion about the things that you haven’t done. Why haven’t you done certain things?
Are you afraid that they’ll be too uncomfortable or do they just not seem appealing to you at all? Is it fear that’s rooted in some personal experience you’ve had, or is it just that you see the appeal but have no aversion to giving it a shot?
A lot of times, there’s something that we’d like to talk about or do but feel strange bringing it up. If you’re at the point where you’re having frank conversations about the lack of sex life in your relationship, odds are that the other person is truly interested in hearing what you’re interested in doing and willing to try those things. Additionally, the things that you’ve thought about trying probably aren’t too out of the ordinary.
Sex is something that we don’t talk about in too much detail in polite company. This can be a problem because it makes it feel as though the things no one is talking about are a little too strange or kinky to embrace. The fact is that human beings have kinks, and there’s no harm or shame in exploring them.
Additionally, you have to be open to whatever your partner wants to discuss. That doesn’t mean that you have to or should try anything that makes you uncomfortable, but it’s important to listen without any judgment.
Utilize Your Phones
Think back to the days when you were just starting dating the person you’re with. They were probably on your mind almost all of the time, and the excitement and anticipation built up to make your initial sex life exciting.
That’s how it almost always goes. There’s attraction, and you want to be with the person all of the time but can’t. Then, you get to know the person and the anticipation has been resolved.
Try to find ways to add that spark back into your daily life. Sex and foreplay are one in the same, and foreplay can be extended to all of the romantic feelings you have for a person in the context of one sexual experience. For example, a kiss in the morning that has you thinking of the other person all day could be considered for play for later that night.
Similarly, there’s nothing wrong with sending a suggestive text or something similar throughout the day while the two of you are at work. The same goes for sexy pictures or videos. It might feel a little strange to take a sexual picture or video of yourself, but it’s something that can turn out to be very fun and exciting for the other person.
You might also find that it’s sort of empowering to feel good about yourself in that way and express that image to your partner to arouse them. If you’re in the habit of surprising the other person with some sexual content, you might find that the general attraction throughout the day extends to excitement when you get into bed.
This is a way to spice things up that doesn’t necessarily introduce any new positions or actions, but it can reignite the attraction and keep things alive.
Do Some Role Play
Roleplay is a stereotypical sexual fantasy that many people brush over just because they think it’s too corny or cheesy. The fact is that roleplay is something we’re, in one way or another, always doing. If you’re having a boring or unsatisfactory sex life, you’re kind of just playing the role of the bored lover.
You’re behaving in a specific way that might not be the actual way that you’d like to behave if you were being totally yourself. In that way, you’re roleplaying all of the time. So, literally, any role that you’d like to enter into could be used in the bedroom.
Whether you’d like to feel as though you have more power in the bedroom or you’d like to submit all power, you can explore those roles. If you’re interested in particular characters in a story, or you like the dynamic of certain relationships in stories, you can explore those roles.
Roleplaying is absolutely one way to change up your bedroom dynamic instantly. There’s nothing normal about dressing up as someone else, especially if you’ve never done it before. You can even go with the lowest common denominator in terms of costumes. Schoolgirl costumes and police officer costumes are played out for a reason; people tend to like them.
So, give roleplaying a shot, even if it’s the lightest version that you can muster up. Just throwing some change into the equation might be enough to remind you what you found so attractive about the person at the very beginning.
Open Up About Your Sexual Fantasies
This is different from our earlier point of talking about what you like. This one will require some more vulnerability and potentially be kind of difficult to embrace.
That said, both of you definitely fantasize about something, someone, or some kind of situation. Almost everyone masturbates, and your partner is no exception. Additionally, it’s unrealistic to believe that you are the only person in the world that your partner thinks is physically attractive. However disappointing that reality is, it’s important to accept that fact so that we can dig into the fantasies of ourselves and our partners.
What do both of you think about when you’re alone, besides the other person? What sort of things do you gravitate towards and why? The fact is that both of you are probably gravitating more towards those things right now as your sex life is dwindling.
If you can know what they’re using to arouse themselves when you’re not around, you can get so much insight into the sort of things that you could be doing to turn them on while you’re actually there. The only thing is we have to sacrifice a little pride and realize that there might be some fantasies that they have that we haven’t been a part of.
It’s an attractive quality to understand and be okay with that fact. So, try to have open discussions about your fantasies and see if the two of you can act them out in various ways.
Try Toys, However Strange
You can also take a trip to a sex store with your partner and see if there are any items there that you might like using. Whether you invest in a whizzinator or just a couple of small whips and chains, anything new can spice up the bedroom.
Toys can serve to enhance different dynamics of power and submission. They can also work to stimulate different parts of our bodies in ways that human beings have an incredibly hard time doing. You can also use toys at the same time as you have sex to emphasize different elements of that process.
The thing about toys is that they get a bad name for some reason. They’re supposed to be tucked away in the back of the closet, used at bachelorette parties as jokes, and rarely discussed. The thing is, though, that sex toys are literally tools to help you or your partner achieve more satisfaction.
The “toys” category also encompasses different lotions, condoms, lubricants, atmospheric elements, and more. So, going out and looking into an arrangement of toys might be just the thing you need to start stimulating different elements of your sex life.
Have Sex in Different Environments
Wake up, go to work, come home, potentially have sex in bed, fall asleep, repeat.
There’s nothing exciting or erotic about inserting sex into a daily routine that is already mundane in so many ways. What excites people is nuance, understanding, exploration, and care. The nuance is entirely stripped from a sex life that repeats itself in ways that are so formulated and played out that it’s not even funny.
Sure, sex just physically feels good wherever you are. That’s how we’ve evolved to experience it. The reality is that sex is just as mental as it is physical, though.
Start out by having sex in different rooms of your house. Just spontaneously start the process while you’re in the kitchen, living room, bathroom, or any other location you might find yourself in. Then start exploring your other options (within the bounds of the law).
There are millions of opportunities to have sex in places that are not within your home. That’s an exciting prospect, and the fact is that you will be more excited if you can comfortably have sex in a place that you never have before. This is even true of hotel rooms or different spots at resorts that are meant for couples.
Use the tools in your toolbox and get creative! The thing to keep in mind throughout the whole process, though, is that sex lives dwindle when they become routine. Explore each other’s interests, look at the routine, and change things up repeatedly to keep things alive.
Need a Few More Sex Ideas to Work With?
It can be tough to muster up sex ideas that will really get things back into motion. We’re here to help. There’s nothing wrong with taking some advice from outside sources.
Explore our site for more ideas and insight into ways that you can boost your sex life and get things back into full swing.